Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
