Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
