I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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