i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
