I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
