last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
