goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
