oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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