he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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