Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
