Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
