So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
