My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Someone signed my nipple.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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