This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
