so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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