I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
