using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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