Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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