He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
