She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
