He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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