you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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