If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
