I looked at my own cervix.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So squirting runs in the family.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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