i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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