he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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