Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize