Can i not drive my cunt home
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
