I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
