It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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