Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
