If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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