I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize