google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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