Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
