I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
