When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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