well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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