I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
should my penis look like a turkey
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
