Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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