I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
