Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
