I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
