someone get that fucking seahorse.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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