its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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