so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
