walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
