He asked to "fluff my boner.."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
