I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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