How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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