i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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