I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
