No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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