Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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