My room smells like vodka and shame
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I showed him my bush... on skype.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
