Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
