I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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