people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
