Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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