worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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