Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
