she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if only i could text you this smell
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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