onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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