No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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